About Death

Humans are wired to be afraid of death. It’s an instinct of the very raw subconsciousness.

I once asked my grandma whether she was afraid of death, she said she was about to die and she was not that scared of death itself. She’s already 76 years old, she’s old. She’s played her role enough and been inside worker class for her entire life.

I got the feeling that most people think that old people are not afraid of death, because they’re old enough to die. But the idea is wrong, they are, afraid to death, the death itself.

My aunt, she’s a 52-year-old-around woman who has several big enough tumors in her throat lately and decided to have a medical exam, the exam requires using very thin needle to pierce straight through the skin of her throat till the tumors inside. I was not the patient, I can’t imagine what it was like during the surgery. She needs firstly some anesthetics on her throat so she wouldn’t feel the pain, I guess the real pain would be devastating.

To my impression, my aunt is always a kind and average grown-up. Adults tend to not be exposed of their own fears from daily lives, but she was very afraid when she heard that she needs to do the exam. She asked the doctor multiple times and speaking incoherently, about the pain she would never suffer and the degree of the pain. She got real, and being scared.

From that moment I realized no matter how old a person is or who they are, people, are afraid to death. They might lie to you that they are old enough to die and that’s ok, but no, it’s not, you are afraid to death, you all are. Afraid of being vanished on the earth, afraid of not being recognized by the world, and most importantly, afraid of being stopped, from you continuous life, both philosophically and materially.

This kind of primal drives is what boosts you at the verge of life and death, where you come back to life like a miracle.

I guess everyone is like this, being disappointed of life and feeling desperate, wants to suicide. But get the strong pulse pulling you back when you are in the process, your cells are crying, they are crying for stay alive, thousands of millions of cells wishes transform into a pulse that strong enough to cut off your suicide idea.

You’re saved, by that change of mind, and by the cells that live with you all through your lifetime.

After all, we’re bound to death, I think there’s no point arguing or thinking the death itself, but live as much as you can for your own good’s sake.

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