Is It Just a Beautiful Thought of Mine?

I feel like I am always dreaming of having an ideal vibes and relationships around my people, i.e. friends.

I do know it exists, but reality just pushes me back once after once.

I find myself so small in this world with people surrounding me, I can talk to them but sometimes I don’t feel relate to them.

It takes time to tangibly merge into a group, but I don’t seem like I am finding a group whatsoever. I have been so hopelessly trying to find something I can rely on, but everytime I don’t, or I can not depend on it.

I myself inside have been wondering thousand times what is it that sometimes seems like I am always distance to people and people are distance to me. I am, a sensitive one, I know the nuanced difference between men to men’s social ways.

Whenever enter a group, not much long after, I always seem to can sense or see that I am distanced.

Did I do something wrong? I constantly question my self.


Back to this group thing, ever since I have abdicated from highschool, I was like a directionless bee headed towards all kinds of directions.

A lot of time I question my own self and I can’t get an answer for me. I can’t. I don’t have one.


Do I need a group? The long time solitude seems like kick in to some extent that I don’t feel like I need relevance. I can live happily and freely my own and keep a peace balance.

But when people start to talk to you, you want to get back to the social life, where you just constantly trying to find the one grouop, that one vibes, that kind of relationship between men and men – The Bonfire Camp.

I have talked about this with other on some chat. I love chill music you know? One of the reasons why I love it, is because I want a bonfire vibes between me and my friends, which is real cozy and real warm for everyone around. This camp is filled with passion, kindness, similar values and same cause.

If I really want to change the world, or anyone, this is most vital to the cause. A group that works together, a core fundamental common understanding, to push the group forward.


I don’t know, I am going to keep writing this blog till I find one, and till that day I can prove I am right.

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