Trust Issues Self-Diagnosis

I don’t really know how I’ve coped with my trust issues over the years. To a point, where, I stop coping with it anymore.

I am accustomed to my trust issues and I let it root. I stopped trusting people since there really isn’t any good reason to trust anyone.

The trust issues have just always been there, it is a part of me now.

Over the years, I’ve made myself comfortable with my own trust issues. Sometimes it heads into paranoia, sometimes it is just deeply distrust towards anyone I can’t trust with.

The bar is high and it has always been high.

The trust issues come from rationality. As I function fully on logic and rationality, which means if it is not logically sound, it is not trustable. I have to find a reason, and a consequence till I stop.

I think my trust issues affect me in every aspect of my life.

It pushes me to seek truth, it pushes me to question authorities, it pushes me to absorb better people around me, it pushes me to believe in myself. And it creates this sphere where only I can dwell, it pushes me to perfection. A perfection in which I can fully rely on myself self-diagnosing the problem and later self-solving it.

If the trust issues were gone, I would definitely not be the same person as I am now. I would be average.

The fear of being average also inflicts these trust issues.

Trust issues also make me have down times, when I can’t really trust a person I usually either fuck myself up or fuck him/her up. It is not always the case where I can utilize my trust issues well, sometimes I think my trust issues rule over me pretty well. I don’t really get away with my trust issues, they are roots in my body that long ago I should have ditched but I didn’t, now they are so deeply rooted that I am just fine with it.

I feel like I am just going to have a long long time with my trust issues and hopefully it doesn’t turn paranoia in my later years, like Rousseau. And may it not take my life I guess, I might also die in paranoia, it is a possibility.

It makes one person, also destroys one person.

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