On Behalf of the Inevitable Proceeding of Lying Myself into a College, and I Didn’t

Guess it really leaves me no choice to do so.

I have been against doing this the whole time but the robotic and stupid system forced me to do so.

I have been contacting Langara College for weeks for my high school graduation and transcript, which I don’t really have, to spare me the process of these documents.

I presented them my work, my resume, called them several times, emailed all the contacts I have from that school, did all I can…

This just reminds me of Harvey Spector from Suits,

What are your choices when someone puts a gun to your head?

What are you talking about? You do what they say or they shoot you.

WRONG. You take the gun, or you pull out a bigger one. Or, you call their bluff. Or, you do any one of 146 other things.

Like, I am trying my best to persuade them to spare me these parts. Since I literally don’t lack anything besides these stupid papers. I don’t lack money, don’t lack the brain, don’t lack the integrity, I am in no need of anything, besides the two things which I did not obtain from my high school, with legitimate reasons.

First, my father crashed his business and finances, which fucked over the whole family. And this postponed the plan of going abroad indefinitely.

Second, I lost my seat automatically when I was out of my high school in the second year. I was under huge pressure, anxiety and other mental problems which nobody gave a shit at the time. Plus I never really liked school. Plus I was out under the premise that I will be leaving the country and study abroad in 1 or 2 years.

Third, the school did not even allow me to reenter. There was not a second chance at all, extremely robotic and heartless to be frank.

For all these things, I do not have a high school graduation certificate and a final transcript, it’s completely reasonable. There was no fucking way I could have anticipated that accident from my family. Matter of fact, I did not do anything wrong and now I need to pay for whose faults? Definitely not fucking my mine because I did all I can to win back my life.

Another quote from Suits by Mike Ross,

I got knocked into a different life and I want to get back to that life ever since.

Now it really feels like I am forced to cheat and lie in order to get into Langara College. Matter of fact, I don’t even want to do it. Even at the last moment.

Plus, I am not exactly fully out of options yet. I can still go my co-op route and get myself in Canada for quite some time. The problem is just family and friends don’t really approve of me doing something like this……

My integrity is above anything. Under no condition there shall be things that sabotage my integrity. It’s basically what has kept me alive the whole damn time throughout my life!

My family and friends suggest me to lie and cheat, by which I am extremely reluctant to do so.

I am serious for my academics, I don’t want any mole there to be tarnished in the future.

In Suits Season 6, Mike Ross was arrested because initially he lied about being a lawyer, which was not an intentional and also in essence an honorable act. He tried to help people with good intentions. However, being dishonest still finally gets to him.

And the whole drama series is about Mike Ross being a “fake lawyer”, and this fake lawyer is realer than any real lawyers in New York City. But, the system gets to him.

Have you ever thought about the possibility, that in the future, because of the wrong things you did in the past, they finally get back to you? That when you are at the peak of your career or life, people start attacking you based on the shitty things you did in the past, they would try their best to dig out your dirts, find out the moles you’ve been hiding, tarnish you as hard as possible, slander you as if you are not a human being…..

And all of this, is thanks to the stubborn, harsh, stupid, careless and robotic system imposed on you at the time.

God damn it, why is it so hard to be a good person? Why is it so hard to be an upright and upstanding person?

Now the school being robotic means two things:

Either I drop this application and never apply to universities and colleges again, since I did not even “graduate” from high school. Or I submit the fake documents because, well, they don’t even care.

The problem is, people can not see the essence of things. The intrinsic values of people, the intrinsic values of things. And they can not see the possible development of people either, which lies in everybody’s brain and heart. 

How hard is it to see that someone is a good person because of his good deeds? Is credentialism that much important in our life that it betrays the fundamental understanding of humans?

It bothers me so much.

I’m a person not against activities inside the grey area/zone, but I am definitely fully, wholeheartedly, against anything that is clearly black and white.

Another quote from Mike Ross in Suits,

There is such a thing as black and white, how is it so hard for people to understand?

This is apparently a moral decision instead of a logical one. And moral problem is something I don’t like to bypass.

A man is a man is because before a man, he learns to be upright. And if he is not upright, he is not a man. That’s why we teach our kids the importance of integrity, because laws can not restrain you from truly doing evil things in life, you are the only person that can stop you from making bad things happen.

You are your own devil, your own police and your own savior.

Plus, crossing a line physically, would make yourself believe crossing lines is justifiable. Our mind is also made believed by our own actions. In other words, your actions shape your mind. How your mind works depends on the actions you did, the decisions you made.

So the more wrong things you do, you tend to be more morally obscure. The more right things you do, you tend to be more morally upstanding.

One should not easily condone wrong things to happen, and I believe, you should always try your best to find a solution, or an alternative one.

And I don’t wanna cross that line. 

UPDATE:

In the end, I did not do it. I kept my honor, and integrity.

I’m proud of myself, like Spider-Man, he always knows what is right to do.

So, technically, I didn’t do anything.

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